You smell like stripper and shame
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
