6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
