She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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