I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
