You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
