Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
