I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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