My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
