She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
