Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know her cup size but not her name....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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