Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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