im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
