I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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