Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
