I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hippo gnu deer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize