Whod you bang
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
