I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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