My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize