im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
