Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
