That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
