All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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