Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
