apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
