Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
