You really coming over, don't trick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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