I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
