Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
