Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
