Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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