im drinking this country out of the recession.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
