someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
