His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My ass is underappreciated
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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