If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dick very happy bro
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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