hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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