If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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