My Higher Power is John Stamos
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
