so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
