sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
