Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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