I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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