I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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