im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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