You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
