How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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