He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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