everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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