you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found the puke drawer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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