You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
