dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
