Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
