just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
