I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
