Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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