i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
