Apparently you make a good broom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
