But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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