'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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