I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
