Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
