i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We have so much sex to catch up on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
