I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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