I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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