i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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