What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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