dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
