i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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