if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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