I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize