Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
