What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
