I haven't been this sober since birth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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