He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
