be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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