it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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