ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
