Someone shit on the floor
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
